A few years ago Toronto-writer and all-around mensch Pasha Malla wrote this memorably hilarious ‘advice’ column on a fairly universal question, “Does she love you?”
Here’s an excerpt:
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If she knows what song is coming next on the mix CD you made her: She loves you.
If she hides your shoes when you’re late for work, and from a supine position on the couch plays “Hot/Cold,” and, finally, after 15 minutes of you ignoring her screaming, “Boiling! Burning up!” every time you stalk angrily by the dishwasher, gets up, flips it open to reveal the shoes, sitting there among the plates, and hands them over with a kiss and a giggle, and then laughs some more as you tie your laces in a silent rage: She loves you.
If she calls you at work that day to ask, “How are those shoes working out?”: She loves you.
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Pasha has followed up the classic column with its logical other half, “Does he love you?”
buy The Piano If when you die he dedicates two decades, his entire empirical fortune, and the muscle-power of over 1000 elephants to a construct an awe-inspiring mausoleum of pure white marble on the banks of an Indian river—he loves you. If 350 years later his descendents are actually able to keep the bathrooms clean, the German tourists will love you, too.
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If one night you’re out with his friends and he goes on an extended, impassioned rant to defend the music of Sarah McLachlan—shit, I can’t get down with this one. Dude needs to spend a little less time building a mystery and join a boxing club or something.
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All this from the always excellent This Morning News. Why aren’t you reading them already?
Oh recently-broken-up-with people will want to read Todd Levin’s column about exes who send mixed signals. Sheesh.
